I was trying to think of a good title for this post, contemplating titles such as: "Life is gahood", "Yipee", "10 Great Things About Life Right Now", etc. But, when I went to type, the phrase from Finding Nemo's Dora, "Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming..." came to mind. Which is actually funny because I've never been a fan of that movie. Probably for two reasons; I went to see it with my cousins when after my grandma had passed away and they needed the kids to get out of the house and it was a sad time for me. So it's associated with sad feelings. Also, I don't support kids (or fish) not listening to their parents and so Nemo probably deserved all that he went through. Like it or leave it, eh.
So, why this title? Well, life has been good lately. And I mean really good. Not just the eh, I'm good, but awesome good. As many of you know, that has not always been the case for me these past 2 years. I struggled so much, especially the first while here. I felt so alone and depleted. I was such a mess. I was mad at God. I felt so alone and mad that He would let me feel alone. Although I felt these feelings, in my mind, I knew He had never left me. My heart just needed to catch up with my head. I hate the disconnect between your heart and head sometimes! Well, recently, these past few months I have started feeling better. I am a lot happier. I don't have this cloud over me. People at church have even said, "You seem different." I was thinking, "Ya, because I'm not emo anymore." I am starting to get my old, California self back. Man was she fun! Haha.
A HUGE part of my return to my old self has been my friends, in Philly and out. Many have come to my rescue so many times: listening to me cry, buying us food, visiting me, counseling me, editing my school papers, e-mailing me everyday for 4 months, being honest with me about your trials, even moving boxes into storage with me! (Only to have Jeff take out a day later. Haha.) I am so grateful for the AMAZING friends I have and have always had in my life. What a blessing! Heavenly Father must know I need good people to surround myself with. Reflecting about this has made me realize (in my heart) that I have never been alone. God has sent me people to bring me comfort. And of course, Jeffreylisa (a name he's not a fan of, but I was pretty impressed I came up with that all by myself), has helped me so much with his patience. I can't count how many times I said to him, "I am sorry I'm emo. I don't even know what I'm sad about but I just am." He's always been there to help me. Not that times weren't rough with us along the way, but we both knew what we wanted and that God could help us. I am not sure if any of this is making sense, but basically, life is awesome. God is wonderful and merciful. People are great.
So bringing this all back home, this all goes back to Dora's "Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming." I'm not sure if that's even the point of her phrase, since she's so spastic anyways (I just realized Dora's probably me in fish form). But, when life is tough, and it is, no matter who you are, just keep swimming. Do not give up. God knows you are there. He loves you. He will always love you and always be there for you. And, of course, if you are reading this, please, please, please know you can always call me and I'll send you some floaties or life vest to help you until you can make it on your own.
I am so grateful for the gospel. I am grateful to have always known it is true. I am grateful for the values it teaches me. I am not always grateful for trials, but I do see their purpose and I am trying to learn to be grateful for my trials. This week is pioneer week. I am so grateful to those who went before me to help make sure I can practice my religion. I am grateful for the prophet Thomas S. Monson, and his example of kindness and charity. I am grateful for the young women program at church, even when it has made me want to rip my hair out sometimes. I am grateful for the opportunity to go to and lead EFY; it has impacted my life forever. I am grateful for a wonderful mother. She is such an example to me. I am so grateful for my nieces and nephews. I LOVE them all. Jeff is worried I won't like our kids as much as them. I am so grateful that they have made me who I am. They have brought me so much joy over the years. I hope Elaine will come back someday. I miss her; I miss her laugh. I love the church. Most importantly, I am grateful for a God who knows and loves me. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, amen.
A favorite line in a song I like:
Not one of us, can fall far enough, to be out of His reach, to be out of His Love
Ps. This post turned out way different than I originally thought it would.
Pps. Finally got food stamps! Second best day of my life ever. First was the day I actually got to use them! Got a cantaloupe, gallon of milk, fancy wheat bread, and uh, one more thing... can't remember. It is super terrific to have them. I love it times a million!
