Changes

First of all I think it's imperative to mention how much I HATE, LOATH, and DETEST change. Don't know why, just always have. I'm not some adventurous person I guess. I just like consistency, planning, and knowing things. Is that so bad? I like having the same foundation of friends, keeping the same job, my first car (even though mine now is nicer), having the same type of day planner, being in the same ward and stake and knowing everyone in it, going to the same school, organizing my closet the same way, etc. That's just how I am.They say "change is good". Well, to ever "they" are, what about a sense of security and peace in stability? How come that isn't valued? Why does whatever shakes us up have to be good.  Why can't comfort be good? I've just been thinking about some of the many changes I've undergone this year. I said to Jeff, "One day, because of all the changes I've made, the Lord is going to make me like change. As soon as I don't have to make anymore changes, I'll like it." Ya, not exactly sure when that day's a comin... from the looks of it, not anytime soon.

I've been to the doctor a few times this past year because my body has been out of whack. She said it's just do to stress and the changes I've made this past year. She said I have like most of the top 10 stressors on some "stress test".

So, in no particular order, other than what pops into my head I'll list them (or as many as I can think of):

• new e-mail
• new cell phone number
• new last name (not officially legal yet, but I'm still Sister Lake at church)
• I have become endowed, which only slightly modifies my wardrobe, but still...
• new school. I don't hate Temple as much as I used to. I know I only miss CSUF for it's familiarity and institute. Ok, and nice campus. But changing schools has been such a journey.
• dropped my history major to graduate sooner
• no health insurance (that sucks)
• no money ( I guess that's the real world, huh?)
• oh ya, moved across the country to Philadelphia. Couldn't be ANY different from my little old CYP
• new ward (thank goodness for all my WONDERFUL new friends)
• got married
• live with someone now
• go grocery shopping
• don't get my eyebrows done (kind of scary so don't look to close)
• two new jobs
• share one car between two people now
• have to be quiet at home
• can't call whoever I want when I want
• don't see my family now. I miss those crazy kids the most. I hate missing out on their lives. 
• may have gained a few pounds. And I don't want to hear it. Yes, I'm thin, but who wants to gain weight? Who wants their body to change when they were fine with it before? No one. So stuff it.
• new calling 
• birth control (ugh, 'nuff said)
• I am tired all the time. It drives me nuts. What the heck is broken?
• My neck is sore all the time now. I think it's where I carry my stress 
• set up my own house for the first time. Realized I wish I was fancier/better at it.
• started cooking. If only mom would have offered to teach me... haha. JUST KIDDING MOMMA. 
• watch boy movies now
• I take Spanish now. A requirement I LOVED that Fullerton didn't have for a HISTORY MAJOR! 
• church isn't 2 minutes away anymore and not to mention where it is...
• new family
• not able to rescue my old family

Some changes have been big and others have been small, but they're changes nonetheless. I get that change is supposed to help us grow and to be stretched, but haven't I grown enough this past year? Don't I look tall enough? Can't I be done already? And yes, while I realize some of these changes have been good and brought about many blessings, that's not what this post is about today. This isnt for pity or sympathy, it's just what it is. Something I admire about people is their honesty in their blogs. So here is mine.

And to any thinking, "Well you knew what you were getting when you signed up" I would say, that doesn't make it any easier. I think of the Savior and the Garden of Gethsemane. He knew what he had to do. He knew what He signed up for, and yet he still asked if there was any other way.  Or a pregnant woman who is giving birth. She knew all along for 9 months she would have to give birth, but that doesn't make it any easier when the time comes. So there you have it folks. Change. Good in the long run, crappy in the meanwhile.

And thank you to all who have been such good, consistent friends I can count on in my ever hanging life :)