I woke up emo and here is the consequence...

Well,
 I woke up emo, and decided maybe spitting random things on my blog might help (since it's too early to call Tk. Curse you time zones!!!) Life has been busy. It's been good, but lately I've been sad. It sucks. I hate being emo for no reason. The hardest thing is I just want my Cali friends to come and rescue me, but obviously, they can't. And I do like my Philly friends, it's just hard since they all have kids. Not that I resent them having kids, it just makes it difficult to say, "Uh, I'm having a crisis again, can you come over?" Oh well, what are ya gonna do?(Blog about it I guess. Haha).
Ps. Judy, sorry for the grammatical errors, it's too early to fix them :)

Random thoughts:

       I was listening to the radio the other day (actually, NPR, but I will leave that detail out since when I tell people that Jeff thinks I'm trying to be cool and tell people I listen to NPR. Which, isn't true, but oh well. (Ok, so maybe "Oh well" is my new favorite phrase.) But, as I was listening to the radio, I heard both presidential candidates' opinion on education. Now, mind you, I do like both canidates, I think both are decent men, trying to do they best they can for America. But, both believe there should be more teacher accountability in the classroom, specifically pertaining to standardized tests. (Now, if you don't know my opinion, on standardized tests, that's a topic for another day. Perhaps I'll just forward you some of my college papers). In case you didn’t know, or cannot tell, I am not a fan of national standardized testing, and since I did my senior thesis on the history of No Child Left Behind (NCLB), I consider myself pretty much an expert on the topic. Not really, but sort of.
       Side story: My teacher for my senior thesis class was a JERK and a half, yet I still liked her. She was tough. Her motto was, “You don’t know how high you can jump until someone raises the bar.” True, but, I have a bad knee lady, I don’t want to jump! One time when I went into her office, she told me how the first part of my paper was so boring “No one would ever want to read it.” I thought to myself, well who the crap cares lady, I didn’t ask you if you WANTED to read it, since you’re my teacher you HAVE to read it, so SUCK IT UP and READ IT! But of course I didn’t. I cried. Then when she saw the tears in my eyes she said I had no reason to be crying. She said that a classmate of mine had had her baby sick in the hospital, and that was a reason to cry. I wanted to say, “Oh ya? Well I have two babies sick in the hospital! You don't even know me!” But, I didn't, I just tried to stop crying. Lol. But, when I got my final paper back, her final comment was that I should go into education policy because my paper was really good. And I know, the only reason I had done so well, was because she demanded so much out of us. By the end of her class, I was ready to go out and set the high jump to twelve feet. 
            Anyways….back to my first thought: I think making teachers responsible for their students’ standardized test scores is absolutely, positively, ridiculous! Now, I am sure we have a lot of crappy teachers out there, I’m not dumb. But what about all the crappy parents?! That’s right, I said it, there are some really crappy parents out there. Who, don’t take any responsibility for their child’s learning and education. They stick them in front of a tv 24/7, don’t talk to them, don’t work with them before kindergarten on important foundational knowledge (such as their numbers, letters, or colors), and then the parents ship their kid off to school, expecting the teachers to be able to teach the child that information in an instant. Oh, and quick enough so that the child can be up to speed with all the other children whose parents took the time and mostly effort, to teach their children. And of course, when many of these children fall behind, which is understandably natural, people blame the teachers. I say people, because it is everyone: parents, the government, educators and non-educators. Hello American parents: It’s time for YOU to take responsibility for your child’s learning TOO! I said “too” because I think both parents and educators are responsible for a child’s learning. Don’t agree with me on this? I don’t really care, because I’ve seen it over and over again. Unfortunately, with some people who are very close to me.
        Children just aren’t on an equal playing ground, so how can teachers be expected to be held accountable for that? My mom used to bring food to school because some students came to school hungry. This is a very sad problem. So tell me, how can a child who has not had anything to eat that morning, be expected to learn as much as a child who has had a breakfast, and, with his or her tummy full, is ready to learn. Here’s the answer: they can’t.
       Also, some children just can’t learn up to speed like others. Case and point, my beautiful, fun, kind, sweet, and mostly, outrageously ridiculous, nephew Christian. We have kept him in regular ed to help him learn social skills, but, he is so behind (a few reasons why), he will never be grade level with his peers. For example, he started 5^th grade with a 1^st grade reading level.
       And, not to mention, standardized test are not and should not be used to assess and measure a child’s knowledge!!
      Ok, so this turned into an anti-standardized testing rant, but it was really meant to say, let’s not only blame the educators here. And, really, make their pay based off of standardized test scores? Uh no. You’re an idiot.
Ps: After talking to Jeff about this post, he did bring up some good points. He said he agreed with some of my points but not with my conclusion. He said, there should be national expectations, but local evaluations. I'll drink to that. Haha. I don't even know what that phrase means, but I agree with that. 
PPs. The final conclusion of my thesis was that the problem with education policies being made in Washington is that educators are being left out of the creation of these policies. Educators, should be the keystone to education policies. Not, big corporations and politicians.

-I LOVE Pandora radio! So cool!!

- I LOVE my iPhone! Yes, I am admitting it. Allie and others who heard my opinion on it, don't judge me. Haha. It is my best bud now.

-I would actually like to go into education policy, I feel so passionate about it. On that note, I have done absolutely nothing to move forward with my own dream of becoming a teacher. I haven't taken the second praxis.Why? Because I am scared and lazy. Teach for America contacted me, which not gonna lie, I felt pretty cool about once I realized it wasn't a mass e-mail they sent me. I talked to the representative and she was very down to earth. She was from Tahoe! A sure sign I should apply, I think. She has been really supportive. But... I still haven't applied. Why? Because I am lazy, scared, and other crap. I am really comfortable with not going to school. It's been a year since I have graduated. Crazyness. I am dumb to not move forward, but I feel like I have to choose between being a mom and my career. And, that's all I am going to say on that.

-Uh, my sister Ana got married! Crazy!!It was soooooo great! We planned it in less than two weeks! Thanks to everyone who made it such a HUGE success. Perhaps one day I will post pictures. It was so much fun!!! I am so grateful to my friends. I planned a wedding from Philly, crazy. But, it was done and done with major success! It was fun. If I was actually a nice person under stress, I might consider event planning. However, since I am not, I better not.

-Work is good. Been with two really cute little boys lately! They have made my life great. I love Michael and Sev! So cute. I actually am ok with having boys now thanks to them.

-We are liking our new place. I like the house, neighbors, and ward. Although, I do miss Roxborough a lot.
- I have been a sicky for awhile. Doing better now. Yay.
- I'd sure be nice if I had my nieces or nephews here to keep my smiling :) Being an aunt is my favorite role!
-Yay for Brit and zumba!
-Yay for having a house to put up holiday decorations!
-Temple is dumb. They removed part of my access to my student portal. Now I can't see my transcripts/grades or my student finances. So dumb. You are really dumb. You are so dumb. Home boy.
-I love my mommy.
-I heard my brother Kevin's life story. Holy cow, so sad!
-Probably won't qualify for food stamps in January. Whaaaa!! :( 
-I am so sensitive to things I hear and see. I have terrible dreams.
-It's weird having tv now. But, I do like it.... kind of.
-Tk and Basuta are cool. :)

I better stop now or people will kill me. Congrats and thanks if you made it to the end of this post.
Love,
      Me :) 

"Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming"

I was trying to think of a good title for this post, contemplating titles such as: "Life is gahood", "Yipee", "10 Great Things About Life Right Now", etc. But, when I went to type, the phrase from Finding Nemo's Dora, "Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming..." came to mind. Which is actually funny because I've never been a fan of that movie. Probably for two reasons; I went to see it with my cousins when after my grandma had passed away and they needed the kids to get out of the house and it was a sad time for me. So it's associated with sad feelings.  Also, I don't support kids (or fish) not listening to their parents and so Nemo probably deserved all that he went through. Like it or leave it, eh.

So, why this title? Well, life has been good lately. And I mean really good. Not just the eh, I'm good, but awesome good. As many of you know, that has not always been the case for me these past 2 years. I struggled so much, especially the first while here. I felt so alone and depleted. I was such a mess. I was mad at God. I felt so alone and mad that He would let me feel alone. Although I felt these feelings, in my mind, I knew He had never left me. My heart just needed to catch up with my head. I hate the disconnect between your heart and head sometimes! Well, recently, these past few months I have started feeling better. I am a lot happier. I don't have this cloud over me. People at church have even said, "You seem different." I was thinking, "Ya, because I'm not emo anymore." I am starting to get my old, California self back. Man was she fun! Haha.

A HUGE part of my return to my old self has been my friends, in Philly and out. Many have come to my rescue so many times: listening to me cry, buying us food, visiting me, counseling me, editing my school papers, e-mailing me everyday for 4 months, being honest with me about your trials,  even moving boxes into storage with me! (Only to have Jeff take out a day later. Haha.) I am so grateful for the AMAZING friends I have and have always had in my life. What a blessing! Heavenly Father must know I need good people to surround myself with. Reflecting about this has made me realize (in my heart) that I have never been alone. God has sent me people to bring me comfort. And of course, Jeffreylisa (a name he's not a fan of, but I was pretty impressed I came up with that all by myself), has helped me so much with his patience. I can't count how many times I said to him, "I am sorry I'm emo. I don't even know what I'm sad about but I just am." He's always been there to help me. Not that times weren't rough with us along the way, but we both knew what we wanted and that God could help us. I am not sure if any of this is making sense, but basically, life is awesome. God is wonderful and merciful. People are great.

So bringing this all back home, this all goes back to Dora's "Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming." I'm not sure if that's even the point of her phrase, since she's so spastic anyways  (I just realized Dora's probably me in fish form). But, when life is tough, and it is, no matter who you are, just keep swimming. Do not give up. God knows you are there. He loves you. He will always love you and always be there for you. And, of course, if you are reading this, please, please, please know you can always call me and I'll send you some floaties or life vest to help you until you can make it on your own.

I am so grateful for the gospel. I am grateful to have always known it is true. I am grateful for the values it teaches me. I am not always grateful for trials, but I do see their purpose and I am trying to learn to be grateful for my trials. This week is pioneer week. I am so grateful to those who went before me to help make sure I can practice my religion. I am grateful for the prophet Thomas S. Monson, and his example of kindness and charity. I am grateful for the young women program at church, even when it has made me want to rip my hair out sometimes. I am grateful for the opportunity to go to and lead EFY; it has impacted my life forever.  I am grateful for a wonderful mother. She is such an example to me. I am so grateful for my nieces and nephews. I LOVE them all. Jeff is worried I won't like our kids as much as them. I am so grateful that they have made me who I am. They have brought me so much joy over the years. I hope Elaine will come back someday. I miss her; I miss her laugh. I love the church. Most importantly, I am grateful for a God who knows and loves me. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, amen.

    A favorite line in a song I like:
    Not one of us, can fall far enough, to be out of His reach, to be out of His Love

Ps. This post turned out way different than I originally thought it would.
Pps. Finally got food stamps! Second best day of my life ever. First was the day I actually got to use them! Got a cantaloupe, gallon of milk, fancy wheat bread, and uh, one more thing... can't remember. It is super terrific to have them. I love it times a million! 

Bye Bye Binky, Binky Bye Bye

    I have a song stuck in my head right now. It goes like this, "Bye bye binky, binky bye bye...." over and over again. It is sung by Elmo. If that isn't proof that I spent my day with a 2 year old than I don't know what is. The little girl I watched today told me she had a baby in her tummy (her mom is pregnant). I told her that mommy was going to have the baby, not her. I asked if it was a boy or a girl and she said it was a boy, his name was "Free." I'm not sure if she was trying to say "He is 3" because she is turning 3 this month or that his name really is Free. Either way, pretty funny. I told her mom, her mom said the name was vetoed. The little girl likes to stick her finger in her diaper after she goes. When we were walking to change her diaper she kept trying to hold my hand. I was like, "I like you, but not that much." I told I'd hold her hand after she washed them, which we did, twice. After she sticks her finger in her diaper she likes to wipe it on her shirt, so we changed her shirt too. The mom and dad are WAY nice. By far, my favorite parents to work for. My niece Emma doesn't understand the concept of babysitting so she thinks I have a daughter.
    The sad thing is this new song from Elmo only replaced another song I had stuck in my head. One little boy named Michael got another song stuck in my head. He likes an LMFO song called "I'm Sexy and I know It."  He likes to change the words to "I'm Michael and I know it," or "I'm Miss Annalisa and I know it," or whatever the else he wants. So Ive  had "I'm Michael and I know it" stuck in my head for a few days now. Haha. He's such a cutie. It's funny to watch him dance.
When I was helping this other little boy shower yesterday his twin sister came in the room and said, "Do you want to take a picture of us?" I was baffled. I didn't understand why she was asking me that. Take a picture when? Now? Now that her brother is in the shower? Did I send off some pervert vibe or something? I just said, "I'm not sure what you mean, " to which she repeated her question. After awhile of this her brother explained what she meant. He said, "If you want to take a picture of us you can't. It's not allowed. Mommy says the babysitters can't take pictures of us. One babysitter did onetime and she got fired. " Oh. Now I understood. She was just asking the question in general, it was not at all related to the current situation. My panic quickly faded. 
The other morning my pop tart caught on fire in the toaster oven. I didn't even know it could do that. I was left without breakfast. :(  Well that's all. Tata.

Lalalife!

I've been meaning to write, but, obviously, haven't. I figure this is a good Sunday activity. So my life, huh?       
     Well, I've pretty much just been working a ton. I have been doing a lot of cleaning jobs for MyWay (a non-profit organization that does errands for senior citizens). I kinda wish they'd give me a variety of jobs. I like cleaning, but it's like when they had me gardening all the time last year- I get burnt out. And, I feel guilty when I come home after spending hours cleaning other people's homes and then come home and mine isn't sparkling clean. Oh well. Such is life.
      Nannying has been very good lately. I've mostly been doing that. My poor car has so many miles on it because I've been driving around to all these houses to babysit. I have been getting a lot of full day jobs and many of which with the same families. It's nice to work with the same families. Then I kind of know what to expect. I've had some funny kid convos lately. Here are a few:

• I work for a family that has 3 kids. I came to their house on a Saturday night when the youngest was already in bed. I had to keep reminding the daughter to speak quietly because the baby was asleep. After telling her that a thousand times I said, "You know, if you wake the baby up you'll have to take care of the baby the whole time your mom and dad are gone, right?" I was totally just joking. Then she replied, "Alright, but you're going to have to give him the breast milk because I don't have any." Then the older brother said, "Sofia, she doesn't have any breast milk!" As soon as I could recover from what was said I quickly tried to change the subject. Later on I told the mom and she said, "Oh, ya, you can tell we are very open in this house." I still laugh at that when I think of it.
• Another little girl who is super cute, but kind of feisty has developed a new habit. When we were coloring one day, out of the blue she asked, "Are you mad at me?" I said, "What? No." Now she asks that all the time. I'm not sure why she even thought I was mad at her. I mean I was kind of quiet but that's because all we were doing was coloring and listening to music. 
• I just babysat for a hilarious 8 year old boy last Friday. When I first got there he asked me, "Are you a teenager?" I said no. Later on he saw my arm hair and got all bugged eyed. (I knew he was thinking how out of control it is. I do not like my arm hair but after years of dealing with it I have kinda of decided it's not the end of the world to have it. Sorry if that's TMI, but it is what it is.) So he says, "Wow!" I said, "Uh huh," trying to ignore him. He said, "Why do you have that much hair?!" I said it was normal for people to have hair on their arms, some people just have more than others. I guess he thought the amount people have on their arms is a choice because then he said, "Wow. How long are you going to grow it?!" (As if it was the same as the hair on my head!). I laughed and told him that this was it, this was as long as my hair was going to get. Then he looked at my feet and asked why I didn't have any hair on my feet. I said people don't have hair on their feet, they have it on their legs and arms. Then he said, "Do you have to shave here?" (Motioning his upper lip). I said no. He said, "Oh, because sometimes when girls are... different, they have to shave there." I think by different he was referring to my race. His mother is from Brazil so perhaps she has to? Later on that night his dad came home. When he came home I was playing games with the kids. He said, "Wow. So you interact with the kids?" I guess the last babysitter let them watch the tv the whole time. I don't allow that. Although, I will admit, it'd be nice to just turn on the tv and tune/veg out on with some of the kids I've watched. Haha. I'm so bad, but it's so true. When we got in the kitchen the dad asked, "So what's your background?" I, remembering his wife is from Brazil immediately answered, "Oh, I'm adopted so I'm not really sure." He just looked at me like I had just spoken another language. So I realized that was not what he was asking. He said, "No. I mean, like are you in education?" I said, "Ohhh, haha. Uh, well I'm going into education?" Usually when people ask my background that's what they mean. I guess from now on I'll just ask a clarification question before answering it. 
• I had one little boy use the same piece of toilet paper to wipe himself after he peed to wipe his mouth afterward. It all happened so fast. There was no way I could stop it. He and his brother are such cuties. I was worried I wouldn't like to be a mom of boys, but if they were as cute as these two I def could. They were fun to watch play Just Dance 3.

I am sure there are more but that's all I can think of right now.
    Jeff is entering finals. After it there won't be as much book work. Yay! He'll start the clinic soon. Yay! His white coat ceremony is May 4th. My graduation is May 9th. I am getting so excited for my family to come out. Oh ya, I got an award from school. Kind of random. Here's the e-mail I got:

 

Dear Annalisa --

 It is my pleasure to tell you that you have been chosen by the faculty in American Studies as the 2012 recipient of the Robert M. Greenberg Memorial Award. That award is given to a graduating student whose work in the Program was characterized by high achievement. My colleagues in American Studies have asked me to convey their congratulations to you. In addition to its symbolism, the Greenberg Award carries with it a small amount of cash ($150).You should soon hear from our Dean's office about the May 9 Baccalaureate Ceremony at which awards will be made. Colleen Knapp, who I have copied on this email, will do some arranging with you.

Sincerely,

 Philip R. Yannella

Professor of English and American Studies

Chair of the American Studies Steering Committee 

Totally random because there wasn't a professor who I knew super well in AmSt. Well, the one I did was my capstone teacher because every time I went to her office she made me cry with all the crappy mean things she said to me. Random too because I don't feel like I rocked any one AmSt class. I told Jeff this and he said, "Oh, they probably just used your GPA." I was so sad. A GPA? That means nothing to me. After I told him that he said, "It's not called the BFF award. It's for academic achievement." :(  

We have neighbors above us now. No fun. I am super sensitive and wake up at any sound. Waa. (<--Curtisy of Tami and Nina from CPRx).  Construction still isn't done! Crazy. It's been over a year and a half. Doing a 10k (hopefully, if my knee lets me) with my friends in June. Yay. Super pumped Ellen will be coming back for a bit. Party. Back over personal progress in YW (along with 2nd counselor). Have a super good friend named Lori who I love to hang with. Still in my food stamps battle. Still need to man up and take my Praxis Two. I have decided not to do my credential program till January 2013 (instead of October 2012).  Well, pretty sure this is long enough. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed. If not, oh well. Just don't come back again. Jk. Adios!

Cookies

Made cookies today. They were ehh. I accidentally spilled some dish soap on a few. Let me tell you, dish soap and cookies do not go together. Hopefully dish soap's not poisonous or anything.
Ps. The cookies were "eh" before the dish soap.

Pretty sure...

I'm addicted to doing nothing.

Just wanted to say...

     Graduating feels great!! I never realized how much stress school put on me until now that I'm done!! I have watched 3 whole movies this week. And, not only that, but not done anything while watching them (laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc). I want to do nothing forever! Not really, but for a good while at least. I'm lovin' it.
     Watching the presidential debates with Jeff has been fun and funny. I like watching them with Jeff. He is very knowledgeable. It is actually quite impressive how much he knows. He explains things that most people probably wouldn't get. And, because he explains them so well, I can understand some of the punches that are thrown at each other in the debates. It's been a fun thing to do with him. Although, I have had two wild dreams after watching the debates before bed.
      One was that I felt guilty about being an illegal citizen in America and decided to "self-deport" myself like Romney's immigration plan. So in my dream, me and these random Hispanic looking relatives that I don't have in real life, were all deporting ourselves. Only thing is, I'm not illegal! I was born in San Diego!! I knew that in my dream but for some reason I still felt guilty and that I should deport myself! The other dream was that Jeff and I wanted to invest and wanted to use a "blind trust" like Mitt has talked about in the debates. So in my dream we gave our friend Sarah our money to invest and she stole it and tried to kill us. Then when I confronted her and said, "Sarah? I thought we were friends." She said, "Ya, I wanted you to think that. The truth is, I've never really liked you." I woke up so sad. There were a bunch of crazy elements to it too as a result of watching the tv show "Lost," but I'll spare you the details. Adios!

Ps. The worst part is I have a problem with my third paragraph in this post because the first sentence should be the topic sentence of the paragraph and mine def is not!

Some people are just....

Can I just say some people are A plus plus? I mean it. You meet them and you're immediately like "Wow. They are awesome!" Today my new friend came over and I thought this exactly. She is just really great. She is kind, funny, understanding, and more than anything, is a disciple of Christ. I am so grateful to have her in my life.

Hanging with 4 year olds is...

Definitely interesting. You hear things like...

- "No master please!", "I beg you master..." or really anyway he can work in "master" into a sentence.    (Mason). A little much on the tv? I think so.
- Mason to Emma, "You dare call me coward!" Emma, "Coward? Who is Coward?" She thinks that's a person.
- "Grandma, what are you going to buy at JoAnne's today? Rabies?" (Emma). Apparently a little too much House on the Prairie for her.
- "Bless me" (Mason after he sneezes).
-"Hey Asa you always don't get fat." (Mason to me). Thanks I think?
-Mason's excuse not to take a shower? "I'll miss my shirt I'm wearing." Good enough for me, we didn't battle.
-Emma read me Dr. Suesse's "There's a Wocket in my Pocket" only hers was about "There's a Grinch in my Pants."
-Mason and I made brownies. He was very excited, he said, "Now I know how to make brownies by myself! I just need you to do it for me again." Not sure I'm convinced you know how to do it then buddy.
-I told Emma she could use my phone once it recharged all the way (from red to green). She keeps checking it. She said, "I will be so happy if it is green." Sadly, it was still red.
-I was making phone calls today. I saw Mason covering his ears as I said, "Annalisa." Finally he said, "Stop saying that!" I said, "What? Annalisa?" He said, "Ya.It freak me out!" 
- After telling the kids to brush their teeth I have to not only check their teeth but smell their breath too to make sure toothpaste was actually used. 
-I am not sure if the kids will ever understand... Flush the toilet, and wash your hands... WITH soap. Example of our convo after they exit the bathroom:
Me: Did you flush the toilet?
Kids: Oh. (Run back in and do it).
Me: Did you wash your hands? 
Kids: Oh. (Run back in and do it). 
Me: Did you wash your hands with soap?
Kids: Oh. (Run back in and do it). 
Now I just say as they go into the bathroom: Flush the toilet and wash your hands WITH soap, which still only  has about a 50% success rate.
  Well, that's all for now. 
Oh ya, not to mention, letting 2 four year olds sleep with you is possibly one of the worst decisions you could make.